Better Than (a) Wedding - the whinge
It is no secret that marriage is not something I’ve ever really wanted, especially the traditional white wedding bride part. This has always tended to meet with one of two assumptions: either I am desperate and therefore lying, or I am weird. Steve and I have been together seven years and he wanted us to get married 5 years ago, which should be enough to refute the first option, but I will accept weird as it implies different – not always a bad thing!
Despite my reasons being based on logic, (which I have yet to find anyone able to pick any decent size holes in) I have also been struck by reactions to my point of view. Interestingly, if a man makes a comment to the effect that marriage is unnecessary or unwanted, that is considered acceptable if not normal. However if a woman holds the same views, it is often seen as a challenge to those who follow a traditional route. This is unfair and frankly insulting in many ways, but in particular, I am, and always have been, perfectly capable of supporting friends and others with different views to my own. I have been to many traditional weddings of friends and could not be happier to be there to see their dreams come true. But that doesn’t mean I have the same dreams.
So why the change of heart? As I haven’t room to go into all the reasons for my standpoint, neither can I fully explain the reasons for the compromises we reached but I guess they can be summed up thus: largely due to travelling I expect, we have learnt, or rather are still learning to accept that we have to live in the world as it is. My reasons for not marrying still stand however and I still await a good argument against my logic!
Of course there was also the added complication that I managed to find the perfect man – not something that I would ever have believed could exist. Being the perfect man, Steve has the rare quality of possessing the balls to do things his own way and our sherpa wedding at Thame gompa, mid-trek, was as different a wedding day from the traditional “Western” one as you could ever imagine. The day before our ceremony we had our first shower (i.e. water and soap, not as in the American version!) for two weeks – no bride ever enjoyed her pre-wedding shower more than I did! It was even a ‘proper’ shower and not just a bucket of water as we had expected – luxury. Being in the Himalayas, we of course had a more beautiful blue sky than we could ever see at home, even on the clearest day. My hairdresser was me, with my little travel brush inside our tent. My car was my walking boots and poles. Sonam organised traditional sherpa outfits for us, (and I had gone to the extravagance of getting a traditional Tibetan dress made) but underneath these were our trekking clothes and boots. Our backdrop was Kantega, Thamserka and Cho Oyu, with Chomolongma (Everest) just around the corner. Our wedding breakfast was Tibetan tea, chang, chang and more chang! The one Western tradition we adhered to was the “something borrowed…” one, (I’m ridiculously superstitious and didn’t want to tempt fate!) and my something blue was Steve’s trekking socks that he washed for me the day before. In my book, THAT is true romance! But then, I’m weird.
Mandi
Despite my reasons being based on logic, (which I have yet to find anyone able to pick any decent size holes in) I have also been struck by reactions to my point of view. Interestingly, if a man makes a comment to the effect that marriage is unnecessary or unwanted, that is considered acceptable if not normal. However if a woman holds the same views, it is often seen as a challenge to those who follow a traditional route. This is unfair and frankly insulting in many ways, but in particular, I am, and always have been, perfectly capable of supporting friends and others with different views to my own. I have been to many traditional weddings of friends and could not be happier to be there to see their dreams come true. But that doesn’t mean I have the same dreams.
So why the change of heart? As I haven’t room to go into all the reasons for my standpoint, neither can I fully explain the reasons for the compromises we reached but I guess they can be summed up thus: largely due to travelling I expect, we have learnt, or rather are still learning to accept that we have to live in the world as it is. My reasons for not marrying still stand however and I still await a good argument against my logic!
Of course there was also the added complication that I managed to find the perfect man – not something that I would ever have believed could exist. Being the perfect man, Steve has the rare quality of possessing the balls to do things his own way and our sherpa wedding at Thame gompa, mid-trek, was as different a wedding day from the traditional “Western” one as you could ever imagine. The day before our ceremony we had our first shower (i.e. water and soap, not as in the American version!) for two weeks – no bride ever enjoyed her pre-wedding shower more than I did! It was even a ‘proper’ shower and not just a bucket of water as we had expected – luxury. Being in the Himalayas, we of course had a more beautiful blue sky than we could ever see at home, even on the clearest day. My hairdresser was me, with my little travel brush inside our tent. My car was my walking boots and poles. Sonam organised traditional sherpa outfits for us, (and I had gone to the extravagance of getting a traditional Tibetan dress made) but underneath these were our trekking clothes and boots. Our backdrop was Kantega, Thamserka and Cho Oyu, with Chomolongma (Everest) just around the corner. Our wedding breakfast was Tibetan tea, chang, chang and more chang! The one Western tradition we adhered to was the “something borrowed…” one, (I’m ridiculously superstitious and didn’t want to tempt fate!) and my something blue was Steve’s trekking socks that he washed for me the day before. In my book, THAT is true romance! But then, I’m weird.
Mandi
posted by MandiB at
02:33
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